


Stefon would hate this

by Gentleclemence



Category: Weekend Update (SNL)
Genre: Dialogue-Only, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:47:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24834844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gentleclemence/pseuds/Gentleclemence
Summary: Okay so I wrote this when i hadn't slept for almost 48 hours, and I didn't remember doing it until I went through my notes app the other day
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	1. Faux Weekend Update Segments

**Author's Note:**

> I apologise in advance lmaoooo

"Located on the burned remains of an Arby's, this one-stop freak-shack was built by non other than the catfish of politics himself, Anthony Scaramucci. It'll make you ask the question: "right now?! 😟"" 

"Needless to say, this place has everything. Corrupt government officials, caprisuns, liARS" 👀

"And who's that in the corner? Is it a 12 year old alter boy tonguing a mangy raccoon? No! Its Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert after "one too many apple martinis"!"

"And, don't miss this Friday's Jungle night, when you can get down and funky with a group of human barrel monkeys!"

["Uhh... I'm just gonna ask this: WHAT are human barrel monkeys?"]

"Oh, well it's that thing of like when they stuff a barrel with midgets painted with different colors and you have yank em out until they form a chain with their arms and cooperate...!"


	2. Faux Segments Pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok I didn't think I'd do another one of these and tbh I don't like it as much but the band name is probably one of the best puns I've ever come up with (I'm not a good comedian lol)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the mess

With way too many issues of Men's Health Magazines in the waiting room, this Project Runway knockoff is based on the dreams of the former stripper band Coochie and the Blow-fish. 

Located in the abandoned halls of a night school, this place has everything.   
Artisanal coffee, acid from the 70's, penis shapes printed in ASCII, a BIG, RED piece of meat...! 

It'll answer the question: "am I really that straight?"

And come to their all-day Saturday blowout, complete with Human flannels!

[What in the world is a human flannel?]

Oh its that thing, of like when you strip and paint a midget in earthy tones and he hangs around your waist while you try to pick up lesbians at a bar...!


	3. Faux segments pt. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yes Im back  
> Yes I'm aware that this is getting less and less funny lmaoooo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also if y'all have funny phrases or one-liners pls comment them!! I'm in severe need of potential material
> 
> (Also yes that last segment was in fact a reference to Club Penguin... RIP to the greatest game of all time sjdbdjshdj)

New york's hottest club is Jaaaannniiiccceee...! Located in the Liquids bin at your nearest airport, this tasteful lesbian commitment ceremony makes you ask the question "more?!"

This place has everything. Loud Christian music, Mary Jane impersonators, suspicious stains...! And look who just came in! Is that hatsune miku? No! It's just a sweaty man-child in poorly fitting cosplay.

On Thursday, they're hosting their Penguin night! Complete with live human puffles.

[Im a little afraid and a little confused; just what are human puffles?]

Oh, it's that thing of like, when a midget paints their hair and body in bright colors, teases their hair into an afro, and follows you around on a leash...!


End file.
